I have struggled with typing this post mainly because I have yet to find the words to explain myself. Dad's heart surgery was like a dream sequence of my life. I can remember details so clearly like the coldness of the hospital in the middle of July, the look of my dad right after his surgery and the way I felt my heart stop, and the feeling of those odd plastic cushioned chairs while we tried to give each other comfort as we nervously waited together. While there are details of Dad's hospital days that I remember well, most parts of those days are so blurred. How many days were we at the hospital? and how many cups of coffee, phone calls, and texts were sent and to whom? are just a few questions that I truly don't know the answers too. What I do know is simple. I remember being there for my dad, for my mom, and for my sisters. I remember them being there for me and my family at home taking care of all that needed to be done and giving me love and support the whole way through. I remember the way my mom looked holding my dad's hand both before and after surgery. I remember praying together as a family before my dad went in. I remember the doctor walking through the door with a smile as he approached us and feeling for the first time in hours if not days that I could take a breath again. I remember crawling into bed very late in the night and Nate asking what he could do for me, and knowing I could have asked for the moon at that moment and he would have said yes, but what I asked for was for him to hold me because that is all I felt I really needed. I remember the moments. I remember the car rides, the gentle kisses on Dad's forehead, the wires decreasing day by day, and Dad's eyes being open more and more. I remember Dad making a joke about looking like Darth Vadar while he took in oxygen and me feeling like it was now ok to smile again. I remember Dad repeatedly telling us to take care of mom. I remember all the small moments. In the end what I remember most is how much I just wanted to those small moments of life to continue on. I was blessed to grow up with a happy loving family and those small moments made us. We may have climbed some mountains over the years as a family but it is the fact that we were together through the day in and the day out that has made the mountains attainable. You don't leap over mountains you climb them inch by inch in the small moments that become steps and then finally you look back and realize what you have done it. This mountain has been climbed and it was not an easy one but I am so thankful for those I had to travel it with me because I know very well at times they carried me and at times I carried them.
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| The pictures I have of this time are all so random. Mostly moments we sent back to our kiddos to show them we were ok as they nervously waited at home to hear about Dad. |
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| At the Doctor right before finding out surgery was not a maybe but would be scheduled. |
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| Prayer blankets from Illinois because you can never get enough prayers. |
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| Silly faces, late at night in hopes of making my little girl smile before bed. |
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| It worked. :) |
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The girls and I were often seeing Dad in shifts.
There were so many photos and texts full of information passed back and forth.
Thank goodness for modern technology. |
I have struggled with typing this post mainly because I have yet to find the words to explain myself. Dad's heart surgery was like a dream sequence of my life. I can remember details so clearly like the coldness of the hospital in the middle of July, the look of my dad right after his surgery and the way I felt my heart stop, and the feeling of those odd plastic cushioned chairs while we tried to give each other comfort as we nervously waited together. While there are details of Dad's hospital days that I remember well, most parts of those days are so blurred. How many days were we at the hospital? and how many cups of coffee, phone calls, and texts were sent and to whom? are just a few questions that I truly don't know the answers too. What I do know is simple. I remember being there for my dad, for my mom, and for my sisters. I remember them being there for me and my family at home taking care of all that needed to be done and giving me love and support the whole way through. I remember the way my mom looked holding my dad's hand both before and after surgery. I remember praying together as a family before my dad went in. I remember the doctor walking through the door with a smile as he approached us and feeling for the first time in hours if not days that I could take a breath again. I remember crawling into bed very late in the night and Nate asking what he could do for me, and knowing I could have asked for the moon at that moment and he would have said yes, but what I asked for was for him to hold me because that is all I felt I really needed. I remember the moments. I remember the car rides, the gentle kisses on Dad's forehead, the wires decreasing day by day, and Dad's eyes being open more and more. I remember Dad making a joke about looking like Darth Vadar while he took in oxygen and me feeling like it was now ok to smile again. I remember Dad repeatedly telling us to take care of mom. I remember all the small moments. In the end what I remember most is how much I just wanted to those small moments of life to continue on. I was blessed to grow up with a happy loving family and those small moments made us. We may have climbed some mountains over the years as a family but it is the fact that we were together through the day in and the day out that has made the mountains attainable. You don't leap over mountains you climb them inch by inch in the small moments that become steps and then finally you look back and realize what you have done it. This mountain has been climbed and it was not an easy one but I am so thankful for those I had to travel it with me because I know very well at times they carried me and at times I carried them.
