Relaxing takes me effort. I am a go-go-go kind of person and would love to be doing something at all moments and truthfully staying busy (in a fun way that I choose) can be busy is relaxing for me. However, having children who have all different needs has made me learn to slow down. I have to let the kids take time to do their own interests and to not always schedule something for them to do but instead let them use their free time in a way they see fit. While Aliya would happily be out and about every day the boys do not feel that way and really crave time to relax at home. Nate is the same way. He needs time to unwind in order to feel refreshed. Video games and electronics, in general, are a go-to for relaxation. Electronics have been a true learning experience in parenting for me. I constantly wonder how much is too much and how much is just the right amount. If I am honest with myself many of the video games they play, the way text friends and the videos they are watching are not all that different than when I was young and watched television after school or talked on the phone until the phone cord could be stretched around the house. However, it often feels like a whole new world to me. There are days where I wish I could bring it back to the 1980s so I would be sure that I was parenting the right way (because clearly if I just could copy how my parents parented me I would have it right) but that's not the reality. I can't make electronics disappear. I can't make everyone not have a phone in their pocket or screen in each room and I can't take away video games that allow my boys to play with their friends even when they are miles away. I can however take a little bit of control in my own house. We have had to make many compromises with electronics so that we feel they are getting a good balance of on-and-off time. Our kids are not allowed social media yet or to play any games with anyone we do not know in real life and this has helped us tremendously with peace of mind. We have also come up with the balance of before dinner there is electronics and after-dinner hours means no electronics. We use this rule during the week which means the kids can have between 4 and 6 on electronics and that's if they're lucky and their homework doesn't last long and they don't have any extracurricular activities. I feel like the kids wanting to relax is a really important thing and me embracing the way that they enjoy relaxing is good for me as a mom. I have and will continue to try playing many of their video games with them (even if I am horrible at them). Understanding things that my kiddos have an interest in helps my relationships and conversations with them. Understanding the characters names and the stories behind the games or the amazing music soundtracks that go with the game or even watching a YouTube video and figuring out that Nate and I find it as entertaining as the kids do has been beneficial for everyone. I could be old school and say "back in my day kids we didn't have any of this stuff" and it would be 100% accurate or say "when I was a child I did not play on the internet, I didn't even have the internet until I was a teenager and I was lucky if it dialed up and stayed connected for longer than 30 seconds before disconnecting". However creating a larger gap between me and my kids does not help my relationship with them so instead, I am trying to close the gap by understanding what it is they enjoy about their interests and it has been fun. I've noticed even that the more we can have conversations about these things and play them together the less disconnected electronics can feel. I still will stick to my "it's dinner and therefore electronics are away for the night" rule but also still live by the motto that I am passionate about their passions because I am passionate about them. Therefore just like when they were young and I learned all the superhero and Thomas the train names and played in the dirt I am now doing the same by learning the best YouTube channels and the names of characters in a video game. Hopefully, by understanding what my kids enjoy doing when they have true free time I will be less likely to hear the dreaded phrase "Mom, you wouldn't understand".
Aliya loves to play during free time and often we make believe a million things together. I find if I simply sit on her bedroom floor we will find something to entertain ourselves with for hours. This day she was very curious about what her voice sounded like so she wanted to make a video so she could hear it.
Relaxing takes me effort. I am a go-go-go kind of person and would love to be doing something at all moments and truthfully staying busy (in a fun way that I choose) can be busy is relaxing for me. However, having children who have all different needs has made me learn to slow down. I have to let the kids take time to do their own interests and to not always schedule something for them to do but instead let them use their free time in a way they see fit. While Aliya would happily be out and about every day the boys do not feel that way and really crave time to relax at home. Nate is the same way. He needs time to unwind in order to feel refreshed. Video games and electronics, in general, are a go-to for relaxation. Electronics have been a true learning experience in parenting for me. I constantly wonder how much is too much and how much is just the right amount. If I am honest with myself many of the video games they play, the way text friends and the videos they are watching are not all that different than when I was young and watched television after school or talked on the phone until the phone cord could be stretched around the house. However, it often feels like a whole new world to me. There are days where I wish I could bring it back to the 1980s so I would be sure that I was parenting the right way (because clearly if I just could copy how my parents parented me I would have it right) but that's not the reality. I can't make electronics disappear. I can't make everyone not have a phone in their pocket or screen in each room and I can't take away video games that allow my boys to play with their friends even when they are miles away. I can however take a little bit of control in my own house. We have had to make many compromises with electronics so that we feel they are getting a good balance of on-and-off time. Our kids are not allowed social media yet or to play any games with anyone we do not know in real life and this has helped us tremendously with peace of mind. We have also come up with the balance of before dinner there is electronics and after-dinner hours means no electronics. We use this rule during the week which means the kids can have between 4 and 6 on electronics and that's if they're lucky and their homework doesn't last long and they don't have any extracurricular activities. I feel like the kids wanting to relax is a really important thing and me embracing the way that they enjoy relaxing is good for me as a mom. I have and will continue to try playing many of their video games with them (even if I am horrible at them). Understanding things that my kiddos have an interest in helps my relationships and conversations with them. Understanding the characters names and the stories behind the games or the amazing music soundtracks that go with the game or even watching a YouTube video and figuring out that Nate and I find it as entertaining as the kids do has been beneficial for everyone. I could be old school and say "back in my day kids we didn't have any of this stuff" and it would be 100% accurate or say "when I was a child I did not play on the internet, I didn't even have the internet until I was a teenager and I was lucky if it dialed up and stayed connected for longer than 30 seconds before disconnecting". However creating a larger gap between me and my kids does not help my relationship with them so instead, I am trying to close the gap by understanding what it is they enjoy about their interests and it has been fun. I've noticed even that the more we can have conversations about these things and play them together the less disconnected electronics can feel. I still will stick to my "it's dinner and therefore electronics are away for the night" rule but also still live by the motto that I am passionate about their passions because I am passionate about them. Therefore just like when they were young and I learned all the superhero and Thomas the train names and played in the dirt I am now doing the same by learning the best YouTube channels and the names of characters in a video game. Hopefully, by understanding what my kids enjoy doing when they have true free time I will be less likely to hear the dreaded phrase "Mom, you wouldn't understand". 
