Blessed with three wonderful little lives

I have had a rough day. Now, I am sure that I will type this and in a few days realize that I really did not want anyone to read it and end up deleting it, but oh well. I just feel so sad. There are days when I just wonder if I am being the best mother to my children. Sometimes I just feel that someone else could do it so much better than me. It was one of those days (actually it was really only the evening that was bad) when all the children were fussy. The two little ones were crying and Trent was in need of attention as well. I just felt spread so thin. I was frustrated, overwhelmed, and filled with anxiety. I put the children to bed, gave them huge hugs and kisses, and apologized to all of them for acting so grumpy. Trent said “when were you upset Mom? You weren’t grumpy.” which is somewhat encouraging that he didn’t notice…or does that just mean I act upset all the time and he couldn’t tell the difference? I always want my children and husband to realize that they come before everything else and that they know without a shadow of a doubt that I unconditionally loved them. Some days I just feel that I don’t show it well. It is like the mother I want to be, and the one I have become are so different. I know that 99% of the people who read my blog are parents, so I hope you understand what I am feeling. Tonight I just held Aliya and cried, just looking down at her sweet face and thinking about how I want to give her and the boys the world, and I just don’t know if I am doing a very good job of that. It is a tremendous responsibility and honor to have been given my children; I am so thankful but very underqualified for the job.