August 14, 2017

A Fond Farewell to Gluten

Entertaining our selves while we wait at the Doctor's office.

The past few years have been hard. I did not know why I was so tired and weak, and why I had sores in my mouth, why muscles ached and why my stomach hurt or why I had horrible night sweats and unexplainable chills in the day. The whole time I felt depressed that I was just going crazy. I was not normal tired. I was tired enough to fall asleep in my car as soon as I could park it and no matter how many naps I took I struggled to stay awake past the kids' bedtime. I would cry after dropping the kids off at school because my arms and legs hurt so bad that I felt that I could not move them. Not to mention the fact that I was passing out randomly and scaring my whole family. Nothing seemed to make sense to any doctors and I felt lost and like there was no hope that I would feel any better. I did not want people to know what was going on because in my mind I sounded crazy. All these symptoms and nothing diagnosed as wrong so I feared people would see me as a hypochondriac and a complainer. So I dealt with most of it quietly and to myself and tried not to let anyone see or know what I was feeling.

One night in the midst of sadness and frustration I wrote down this list of complaints and wondered if I was always was going to feel like this. I had told my doctors all of these things but no doctor knew what was wrong and I felt as if I was just overreacting. I would say "I get sores in my mouth when I eat" and in response, I would hear that I needed to wash my produce better. I was beginning to feel like I was crazy and this was leading to depression and loneliness that comes with not being understood.

I passed out one morning by the top of our staircase and it was all Nate could take. He said we had to get some answers and that something was obviously wrong. He insisted that we go to the hospital and I cried that I didn't want to go, in fact, I begged and pleaded not to go. I didn't want to hear nothing was wrong from another doctor and feel foolish for being there but Nate's love for me and desire to heal his wife won the battle. It took an overnight stay at the hospital and a few more appointments before a doctor noticed that all my vitamin levels were low and even after being given fluid in the hospital I still did not have the proper amount of electrolytes in my system. She explained to me that it was like I was running a marathon and not stopping for any water. It was horrible for my body and no one could do it. Finally, I knew why my muscles were so sore and why I was exhausted. An answer...or at least half of one was so exciting! Off to the store for Powerade and after only a few days I did notice a huge change. So now the question was why in the world was my body so dehydrated, why were vitamins being rejected by my body and how beyond a constant IV drip was I ever going to get truly better.

The next doctor appointment brought about a word that I just didn't want to here...GLUTEN. Gluten-free is just a fad diet right and I am a woman who fights against fad diets adamantly! When carb free was a thing I swore I would eat all carbs before I would get rid of them, I don't drink lemon water to curb my appetite, and I have never considered drinking a shake instead of eating a meal. I always have found that fad diets cause a temporarily healthy body but a very unhealthy mind...you lose weight and you applaud your self and then you stop the diet (which is just not feasible for the long term) and you gain it back and scold yourself. I just hate the concept. So, when my doctor said she had been looking at my file and all my symptoms were also symptoms of celiac disease and that if so I would need to start a gluten-free diet, I wanted to stand up and walk out the room. In my mind, Gluten-Free was nothing more than the new fad diet that would end as soon as the next one came around. My next step was to get tested and once I got the call from my doctor a few days later it was official. I was told that it was as simple as eating no gluten, that as soon as I did this I should feel a million times better. It was as if my doctor had called and said Gluten free now go forth and be healed. Yet, all my mind was saying was wait...that is it...that is what is wrong with me. It made no sense but I was sternly warned by my doctor that if I did not follow my new diet nothing would change and all of my symptoms could become worse.

"Let food be thy medicine..." - Hippocrates

After being diagnosed it took me time to learn about Celiac and at first, my new diet seemed overwhelming. I mourned the loss of some of my favorite foods. In all honesty, food has always been more than eating to me. It has been the way of making a night with Nate special by enjoying a treat together, it has been my way of celebrating the kids' success by buying an ice cream cone and the way of making bad days better by baking a batch of cookies. Food holds memories for me and making food makes me feel like I am providing for my those I love. In my mind, I was not simply losing gluten but I was losing traditions and my way of caring for those around me. However, after sticking strictly to the diet I have realized the gain of health is far better than the loss of delicious treats. I have learned how to make things we love without gluten and we have discovered new favorite foods. It has taken me a while to learn what Gluten is in, how it affects my body and why cheating and having just a bite is out of the question.

After learning how much better I was feeling we could not help but think about Aliya. aliya has had tummy troubles since she was three weeks old so after talking with her doctor we decided to get some testing done for her as well. Her x-rays came back and we immediately knew she had good reason to complain about all those nights where she said her tummy was sore. We are now working with a GI specialist and she is on a gluten-free diet for 90 days to see if that might be the culprit for her pain as well. All the doctor appointments and seeing her uncomfortable on medicine has been so hard but we are hoping to find out now what is wrong so that she does not have further damage as she grows.