Changes

What a month. On Valentine's day, life felt in order. We went out to eat as a family, we talked about our plans for Aliya's play, robotics and a visit from Nate's parents and somehow out of nowhere everything changed.

Today the kids are doing "remote learning" for school, Nate is working from home and we are "social distancing" ourselves from others. Things that seemed unimaginable are becoming our everyday reality and while we are not suffering we are in a bit of a fog about it all. Covid19 has entered our lives and taken over in a way that seems more fit for a Hollywood film than my actual life. Our store shelves are empty, people speak of toilet paper as if it were gold and emergency news briefings interrupt us daily.  Everything feels so strange and ordinary all at once. It reminds me of when the tornado hit our home, every day I was amazed that something so traumatic can happen and yet life keeps carrying on. What you can't imagine can quickly become your day to day norm as you keep moving forward in the best way that you possibly can. 

As a family we are trying to be thankful for the family time, we are trying to instill the importance of caring for others and the need to stay apart for that reason, we are trying to soak in the early spring sunshine and enjoy the outdoors all while trying to comprehend all that is going on.  

I asked the kids the hardest part for them so far and not seeing friends and having their hobbies and projects canceled was their answer. My answer was not being able to hug my mom and dad. That is a bizarre rule that seems to be beyond me at the moment to believe.  It is so hard even if I am an adult who fully understands the reasoning. At the end of the conversation, the kids mentioned one more hard part of all this and it was simply not knowing when it would come to an end.  We all believe that it will, but not knowing when is an extremely difficult thing. 

We are allowing for pain in our house and joy. We know this situation is causing both. I often keep a list of my worries (in with my list of gratitude) because when I write my worries down I can look back and realize how things resolve themselves over time. It brings me joy to see the good that comes from pain and we are trying to find that balance right now for our family.

We have experienced sadness:

-the end of a robotics season

-Aliya's play canceled

-Dylan's school dance canceled

- Schools closed

- Restaurants closed (this hit the kids hard as they realized how extreme this situation is)

- Malls closed; we worry about Nate's job but at this time are trying to trust it will be ok in the end. I feel sadness for all those hourly mall employees. When Nate and I were a young family we were in that boat and I have no idea how we would have dealt with a situation like this, my heart goes out to them all.

- Disney World closing
- Keeping distance between us and our family

As each normal part of life changes, we feel pain and we long for simpler days.

We have experienced joy:

- the kindest grocery shopping experience. It was busier then black Friday but people were sharing and offering things to others and truly showing the best side of human nature.

- extra family games. We have been playing together every day and this offers us a break from all that is going on in the world and a time just to laugh.

- teachers reaching out in creative ways and doing everything they can to let us know mental and physical health are coming before school grades right now. 

- gorgeous spring weather has lead to hours and hours outdoors enjoying our back yard.

- museum's, zoo's and aquarium's offering virtual tours and visits with animals

-artists and author's reading and teaching online each day

People are coming together, even if we are remaining 6 feet apart and soon this will be a story of our past. However, at this moment it is all so real that it often feels unreal and we are just trying to be our best selves and hold those we love as close as we can, even if we can not do it physically, as we do not know what tomorrow will bring.

Aliya and I dropped off groceries to family and held up signs to communicate how much we love our family even if we can't be physically close.